Whether it is for therapy or general discussion, the issues related to women, their upbringing, wellbeing, and mental health causes enough intrigue, polarities of opinions, and consequently some insightful findings and some fiery give and take. It always seems an ongoing phase of discovery, almost as if the entire universe is discovering itself through the feminine’s search for its own place within the cosmos. All of us born as a representative of the feminine have our share of responsibility to take this process forward.
This is the truth! And the worst polarized deviation from this truth today is that the woman’s search for the feminine’s place within creation is reduced to being a mere aspiring equal, currently subordinate to the man.
On whose shoulder lies the deterioration of this self-actualization to this level at which we are today? The whole society, of course! Men and women together and the various ways in which they have succumbed to the level of deterioration of the entire species through parenting.
Whatever is written so far might seem larger than life and profound; one might also think that this is too much to take on or digest. Let’s start with an example close to our perception.
If you all remember, till a couple of decades back women’s cricket did not have a space in media anywhere close to men’s cricket. The reasons that we all know are that there is a larger audience for men’s cricket followed by more sponsors, followed by more hype, followed by more money coming in for training, hosting tournaments, medical help, etc., and consequently followed by more opportunities for men. Is there an audience for women’s cricket? No? So, obviously, it is an uphill task to bring women’s cricket at par with the men’s version. Very fair, very valid.
A keen brain, however, would think. If human beings can conceptualize, market, and sell CocaCola as an alternative for water (consumers who actually have accepted CocaCola as a viable option for water need to visit a mental health professional immediately) but cannot conceptualize and sell women’s cricket is the lamest excuse ever heard. In the last two decades, however, this clever manipulation against women’s cricket changed into a mature and sincere enquiry by both men and women and we all see the positive results.
Scoring a point over the other is a survival instinct. But becoming better so as to inspire each other to progress is evolution. This sincere and mature propagation of women’s cricket, now we understand, is good for cricket, it is good for both men and women, it is good for the market, it is good for wealth creation and it is good for every human being.
The clever manipulation described above has been the cause of the deterioration of our self-actualization process. And women are equally party to this evil of thinking. It is easier to make a perpetrator out of a man and continue to wallow as a victim than to chalk out one’s own path of discovering oneself and the world differently. Even as a therapist, I know the latter is easier said than done. Years of oppression, lack of role models, denied opportunities, other inflicted and self-inflicted pitting against the other gender, and belittling of essential women roles on the basis of crude, money-minded, materialistic comparisons are nothing but the face of a regressive society.
Unfortunately with the advent of social media and the polarization that we experience through it, voice has been given to the most imbalanced, skewed, mentally unhealthy points of view of women that feed the same social ills that they superficially seem to be standing against, missing the point and constantly obsessing over the man as a yardstick for self-discovery.
In this very week, I had the good fortune of having a steamy discussion with a group of bright singers within the age group of 18-25. The discussion was about what is needed by today’s women and girls in such a way that it helps them to experience the freedom that is bestowed upon them by nature itself. After a long discussion that was close to their experiences in life, we all came up with some concluding pointers.
Women are truly the epitome of diversity. It is difficult for a woman to fall back on a role model because her own eye for detail makes it impossible for her to blindly accept another woman as a role model. I have noticed that many a time what is understood by others as jealousy is partially a very sub-conscious response of intolerance that a feminine mind has towards imperfection. This quality is very important to hone cognitive ability if taught correctly. This is also a quality that gives a woman her so-called sixth sense or intuition. She has already picked up the odd thing out in a well-designed pattern.
What women lack, according to these youngsters is emotional articulation. Emotional articulation is an important social skill that needs to be imparted both through parenting and school education to boys and girls. Articulation should not be mistaken with expression. Expression has a free (sometimes also reckless), astral quality to it. The astral is the emotional body of the human being having an air-like movement quality full of sensations. It has the capacity to hold sensitivity, talent and beauty if shaped well with discipline and purpose. It also has the capacity to cause illness if it exists without structures and purpose. Articulation, on the other hand, has a more ego quality to it; acceptance of oneself, balanced, measured, complete and well rounded. Physical skills, sports, various life skills, art, intellectual discussions help the balance between spontaneity and ‘saiyyam’ (can be crudely translated as restrain). The ego is the I organization or individuality of a human being that is developed through balanced and harmonious development.
Men are biologically aggressive. A woman who is trained only to compare and find her place in a ‘man’s world’ cannot see beyond this aggression. The one who has understood that she is here to discover her place within nature and the cosmos, and the man is incidentally alongside her and can partner her in the process if she wishes, is able to see that aggression of the man doesn’t mean that he is right and nor does it mean that he will win. Such a woman does not waste time in expressing. Some of the greatest women leaders in this world in science, art, education, politics or business show a calm capacity to sit across the table with another human being, do not reduce their identity merely to a gender, and stick to the truth of the discussion, e.g. Lata Mangeshkar and her integrity towards producing flawless music, Margaret Thatcher – the iron lady, Vandana Shiva and her thoughtful involvement with mother nature and one of my recent favourites Ayaan Hirsi Ali for her fearlessness and the remarkable poise with which she articulates what she believes in.
Being a part of nature is not denying the abilities, capacities and responsibilities that are provided by nature itself. When one compares oneself with the man, there can be nothing but denial of one’s womanhood because the very comparison is faulty. But when one is on the path of self-discovery all the transitions natural to the woman’s life are not seen as hindrances but as parts of a complete design. Parts, that keep giving out the glimpses and nuances of the whole.
The maturity of a society is seen in how men and women collaborate with each other and not in how men and women are pitted against each other with clever manipulation that throws them into regression within the species. The biological, hormonal and biographical development and trajectory of both men and women are totally different. We can build a better, progressive and wealthy world around us if we do not cancel each other out of certain roles. Both men and women need education and a lot of discussions during their teenage and later in such a way that helps them to distinguish between true gender roles and human roles. E.g. giving birth to a child is the role of a woman but cooking is the role of a human being, not a woman. She must know cooking to feed herself and if she wishes and finds happiness in it, she can choose to cook for others as well. If one eats, one should cook. Simple!
Men’s roles are not so biologically definite as women’s. They are rather inferred. Physical protection is a man’s role simply because biologically men are stronger than women and it is only efficient, effective and economical that men take up that job. This role, I agree is not an absolute gender role. It is only more inclined towards men. But as against that, being good at banking and taking care of one’s own money is a very human role in today’s world and should not be confused as a man’s role by a woman because it puts a woman in the backseat in relation to her development.
Social skills that help women to persuade, negotiate, sometimes also outsmart a system in the favour of emancipation are necessary. When a woman is confident of doing that, one can see that she can have a liberating effect on the entire society. In India, we equate the woman’s well-being with the goddess Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth. A seemingly smart, cleverly manipulative but essentially regressive society stupidly and superstitiously perceives this as some equation for materialistic gain. Wealth, on the other hand, like any other resource in this universe is a part of an ecosystem. There are many factors at play and the feminine in the woman is one of the prime factors that makes all the other factors play harmoniously.