Courage To Dream
By Suchitra Inamdar
Anthroposophic Psychotherapist and Trainer
An old proverb says fear and courage are brothers. The proverb has been proved right through the evolutionary journey of this earth. Danger followed by fear followed by the urge in the spirit to conquer it, followed by the development of a sharper survival instinct is that recipe for every member of a species to rise higher in the evolutionary chain.
The challenges of teenage and parenthood are two such phases in human life that have the capacity to transform people becoming the forebearers of the very survival instinct that would again and again make humanity triumph.
The teenager, a bag of both vulnerability and extreme energy goes through a long journey of 6-7 years, in search of one’s ‘self’, battles with many truths, from one polarity to the other, finally arriving at some consolidated individuality by the time he/she is 20-21 years old. Similarly mothers and fathers right from the birth of their child till the child leaves the nest keep transforming themselves and their environment with a lot of courage. They again battle with their own truths, social truths, cultural and family truths to provide a better life for their own child.
As teenage is experienced before parenthood by every individual it is obvious that it defines the seat of conscious courage for the whole life. Owing to the place of importance it holds in the human evolution as well as for an individual’s own life, the question arises about the relevance of experiences that today’s teenagers are going through. Do these experiences have the potential to provide a glimpse of their strengths? Do these experiences help map the possible road of their destiny?
When we look at the increasing number of psychological issues that today’s teens combat, we need to ask whether as a society we are in the right direction in the evolutionary process i.e. are they facing enough and right ‘danger’ followed by fear followed by the urge in the spirit to conquer it?
Anxiety, existential depression, hopelessness, suicide ideations, accidents, dare games like the blue whale, embarrassing dares and challenges on social media, etc. are all about the equation between fear and courage, however, going wrong and it also being irrelevant to the evolutionary process; and meaningless to the spirit of a growing individual.
Between danger and the experience of fear lies the realization that something is challenging the quality of one’s own existence. Fear is the realization that something is bigger than me. For e.g. while climbing a mountain, one can be overwhelmed by its massive, non-negotiating, existence. That kind of fear is good because it teaches one to surrender in order to scale it.
Between fear and courage lies the indication that one needs skills to ‘act upon’ the fear and the spirit’s urge to conquer those skills. For e.g. the learning and maneuvering that takes place in order to scale a mountain and finally reach the desired destination resulting in triumph and allowance to rest.
Between courage and evolution lies the ‘meaningfulness’ of this entire act for the latter part of one’s life. This sets the whole thing right.
Involvement in meaningless dares that could cost one’s life, doing drugs, involvement in obscenity or sexual acts in public, attempting suicide, violence, desire to do all those things that are meant for adults (sometimes not appropriate for adults as well) are all courageous acts. This set of acts is as courageous as the set of activities like scaling a mountain, or crossing a river, or learning to play adventurous sports, or winning a cricket match, or winning an Olympic medal, or speaking up for your own self with sharp and clear judgment, or even taking a step forward to correct oneself. The only difference in both the sets however is a) the realization of danger, b) the development of skills to conquer and also c) the meaningfulness of the experience for the entire life.
Many adults who come in for psychotherapy much later in life are still dealing with the shame and guilt that goes into acts of drugs, sex, acting out of irresponsibility that has caused someone else a fatal blow or shamed a parent. Though we can always work towards a better future through therapy, the fact remains that the former set of ‘courageous acts’ is not something to ride home about.
Unfortunately, we are seeing more and more youngsters around the globe involved in the former set of acts than the latter one. Why is that? One reason that I have witnessed in my own psychotherapy practice is that parents are increasingly protective of their children, trying to curate every aspect of their experience. Too much importance is given to safety measures when children embark on something as simple as running through a lawn or climbing a tree. It is necessary for a teenager to witness the reality of a mountain or the reality of a river or reality of riding a horse. But many of us end up teaching our children that reality is to be feared. Don’t climb here, don’t get wet in the rain, these insects are bad, snakes are to be feared are the kind of messages because of which many teens have never worked on a farm, have never tended to an animal, have never cooked their own meal. There are many urban teens who have never experienced fear of a cold dark night on an open field with no electricity, where an adult has inspired them to look at the stars and feel one with the cosmos. Handling REAL situations and REAL problems is not just about understanding the danger but it is also about developing the faith that the solution to conquering that mountain or river also is inherently existing within the mountain or the river itself.
Darkness is nothing but the absence of light. To conquer the darkness of anxiety, depression and hopelessness that lurks over our young we have to create the light of meaningful courage. What can be done?
Make sure that teenagers do at least few of the following things in their growing years.
- Adventure sports, playing with a team
- Being passionate about some art form
- Conquering some aspect of nature like the rivers, mountains, forests, etc
- Being in service of the old, underprivileged, sick animals or any space where their own empathy and judgment will be honed.
- Learning to ride a horse or an elephant and learning everything about the animals.
- Participating in debates for their educational institutions.
- Learning to dance and sing in groups.
- Having some form of paramilitary or defense training.
- Taking age appropriate responsibilities at home and in the community that they live in.
- Working on a farm for one entire year through all the seasons.
The reality of the world with its dangers and virtues, with its true ups and downs is like a mirror in which the adolescent is able to see his own Real Self (an experience so spiritual that adults around the globe spend lot of time and money to obtain under some Guru or a Prescribed Path). When presented by a curated reality, the young start expecting a curated response from nature and also people around them. And the earth and the cosmos, thankfully is not a curated haven by the shortsighted thinking of the human being. Therefore, when reality dawns, with the absence of perception, skills or meaningfulness, it brings in anxiety.
The greatest gift to the next generation is preparing the young to dream, having them look at REAL experiences, ideals and people who can guide them towards pure thinking, warm feeling and meaningful action.