‘Becoming Human’– The role of the ‘Feminine’ in ‘Man’

The duality of the female and male within a human being is an age-old battle. In many Indian and Greek Mythological stories, the formation of the single unified form, from the two complementary forms is well known (Purush/Prakruti, Ardhangi, Adam/Eve, Yin/ Yang).

Fairy tales all over the world bring the archetypical love story of separation, longing and coming together of the prince and princess despite many struggles, signifies the union of the male and female bound by love for the ultimate wholeness one is aspiring to gain all their lives.

No inspirational character in history, is, sans the complexity of female and male psyche coming together. You take the examples of the brave kings like Maharana Pratap or Queens like Rani Lakshmi Bai, you take examples of great freedom fighters, world leaders or people who have positively brought changes in consciousness like Gandhi, Desmond Tutu, Rabindranath Tagore, Dr. Anandi Bai, Savitri Phule all are endowed with the masculine qualities of courage, focus, determination along with compassion, dedication, perseverance, kindness and above all love for the mankind.

Human being is constantly seeking to better oneself by overcoming the duality within oneself, but it’s possible only with true understanding of the nature of this particular duality. Within these polarities, a life is created, nurtured and transformed, making it important for us to know that we cannot live in the polarities.

Today on the occasion of ‘Women’s Day’ let’s look closely at how do we bring balance in the highly masculinized world by understanding the nature of the male and female qualities all around us in the universe.

The differentiation of gender is a human reality having a purpose far greater than procreation. The ‘sex’ is a biological division while ‘gender’ is a construct where the bio, psycho, social come together influenced by cultural norms, customs and narratives. We have to look at femininity and masculinity created by but not limited by the physical forms. These are two distinct yet highly complementing forms of expression physically, psychologically and spiritually.

If we look at the duality of sexes as manifestations of higher principles of nature, we will be able to see the archetypical laws underlying the feminine and masculine forms. Looking at it as the polarity of life and form expressed in nature, can you see how the qualities work within and without? Life and form must work together in everything that lives. Something, coming to life from the seed, grows and withers but in the process it takes a certain form. The principal of breathing life in the form is feminine, while the form itself is the masculine principle.

In embryological development, when one gender takes the upper hand and the opposite sex ceases development, the remains of this ceased development is visible. It remains as a potential for realizing the other gender within one’s own.

Femininity is associated with wisdom, grace, sensitivity, compassion, creativity, nurture, resilience, warmth, sensuality, subtlety, depth, dreaminess, adaptability, softness, multitasking and love of all kinds. The flip side of these qualities manifest as dreaminess, being dispersed, getting lost in building castles, jealousy, intense competitiveness, insecurity, oversensitivity, fragility and complete surrender to the other. The image of the feminine qualities can paint the picture of enveloping warmth, love and roundness. In Sanskrit all the words associated with higher qualities are feminine like Bhuddhi, Bhakti, Niti (Morality), Mamata (love). You can clearly see the uplifting quality in the higher forms of femininity.

The masculine qualities that stand out, are almost opposite firmness, goal-directedness, precision, decisiveness, courage, physical strength, power, support, reliability, action-oriented, rational, focused and attentive to details. While the one-sidedness of masculinity lies in tendencies to be aggressive, dominating, oppressive, rigid, cold, calculative, driven, ruthless, crude, hard, clumsy, blunt, insensitive. The image is that of a man clearly defined, routed on the earth with clarity of thought and purposeful action.

Historically, if we trace the journey of the development of the genders from the caveman time to now we see how the man who was responsible for hunting, bringing food, for facing danger and needed a physique for that. Hence, man’s body is dense, heavy with more muscles and bones. While women needed to bear children, raise them, make sure the community stays together for protection and be ready for any eventuality. A woman’s body hence is softer, pliable, lighter, flexible yet resilient. Only in these two polarities can man cocreate. One receives but also the other needs to be received and for that, a space needs to be built with consciousness. The physiological differences only serve the purpose of spiritual union.

The psychological and behavioural differences seemed to correlate with the structural differences in the formation of the brain. These differences throw light on why we say Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. The female typically has a bigger limbic system that deals with emotion and its expression. Women are better at recalling long term memories and emotional experiences. Isn’t it interesting that women carry the future seed in their womb which carries the memories in the genetics, physical structure? A kind of memory palace.

Women hear better than men, and men have better vision. It is reflected in the feminine quality of listening to the inner voice of the other and holding it like a mirror. Men have larger amygdala and left hemispheres. They also have a larger area that is related to mathematical ability. Men have better spatial perception and are hence better at forming a spatial map. Women have a better perception of faces, while men for things.

In language processing, the women tend to use both the hemispheres while men mostly use left, hence the disparity in communication style. In females, the right and left hemispheres talk more to each other than men. This can reflect in how women can bring people together, gather support, build communities, rely on emotional sharing for intimacy can act as balancers while men can give, receive information, solve problems or prove their point to establish an identity or territory better.

Of course, these differences in brain structures are mediated and alchemized by many other factors, mainly the hormone/receptor interactions & their effects. The presence of male and female hormones in everyone creates the possibility of greater integration of masculine and feminine qualities. True human nature is a rich tapestry weaved with these two strands, bringing color and hues to the otherwise monochrome that we usually visualize genders as. In the man, the masculine pole works outwards and the feminine lives more inwardly, while in the woman the opposite. E.g. Bravery, courage, these work outwardly for men, while for women the same courage is experienced inwardly as a resilience or inner strength in the face of adversity. When a woman stands up and takes the battles or speaks for the community, it’s the masculine quality of courage that we are witnessing.

In everyday life, we experience the union of the two qualities without realizing how the two work subtly together.
You take an example of what we call a ‘fulfilling conversation’! The conversation where one feels enriched is where you can connect, feel listened to, are able to listen, where you have been received yet felt you got something substantial out of it for your growth, found a direction. This itself has the feminine and masculine dimensions inherently woven together. Wherever there are well-defined, clear, pertinent thoughts, the male psyche is at work and when you see rounding off, bringing together, convergence, imagination, creativity it’s the female psyche taking over.

As a mental health professional, one needs to be informed of these nuanced work in the formation of an individual as a man or woman. Men and women experience the world differently and for a reason. The differences manifest in the kind of mental health issues seen in women and men. More women than men are diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD while more men than women with Alcoholism, Schizophrenia, Autism. Of course, with the rise of the masculinization of the environment we see a lot of changes in these figures as well. Therapeutically then, it’s a question of how do you strengthen the ‘man’ in ‘woman’, ‘woman’ in ‘man’, ‘man in man’ and ‘woman in woman’ but also understand where these are difficult to work out because of organic reasons.

If one is not able to completely embody one’s gender, it creates a certain homelessness and isolation within oneself. Clients often express this dissonance as an inability to feel comfortable in one’s skin. Gender identity is an important milestone for the development of a self-image. The overt and covert Masculinization of the world across continents deprives a human being the chance to experience the subtle qualities of the other. The world needs to develop the feminine qualities of warmth, compassion, nurture, deep listening to add to the masculine in both creating beautiful harmonious melody. What life will be without the hues ?

Equality amongst men and women cannot come by, neutralizing the genders and forming a more male-dominated consciousness. It’s takes away the inherent spiritual possibility for embodiment can bring to humanity as a whole.

Developmentally, the consciousness which is undifferentiated at the beginning of life is individualized in youth and then transformed in the later part of life where one becomes genderless. The gender stereotypes make it difficult for each to work with the other gender within oneself to bring congruence to the experience of self. Can I meet masculine and feminine within and be grateful? Can I transform the shadow of my maleness and femaleness? E.g. Can I become less aggressive as a man or a woman (identifying and working with my shadow of masculinity), or Can I work with reality and not get lost in dreams? (working with my shadow side of femininity)

Bringing all the above aspects in pedagogy through fairy tales, mythology, life skills training from kindergarten, working with arts, bringing the mathematical and science concepts through living forms can pave the way to bring feminine in balance with the masculine. At home when a child witnesses father lovingly caring for his parents, or becoming emotional watching a musical performance at the same time being a sensitive boss. Watches mother caring for an injured stray and a being a mathematician par excellence without inner conflict, the feminine and masculine organically interact the inner sensitivities of the child. The now adult,  can be a balanced human being.

True equality can come only when in freedom we meet the other within and without. The spiritual in material can be realized for raising the consciousness in humanity.