Reinventing Parenting In COVID Times

BY SAIYAMI JUVEKAR

The dark clouds in the sky beacon the onset of monsoons in Mumbai.  They remind us that summer has passed by as we stayed in our homes fighting the invisible COVID-19 virus. The rains also remind us that this time we haven’t done the usual “back to school” shopping for our children. The first rain may trigger our anxieties about our children’s learning as schools haven’t reopened with their usual first day cheer. These dark clouds heavy with water also seem to reflect our heavy hearts and our overwhelmed minds.

As parents, we feel heavier musing over how this summer was unfair to our children as it brought with it the news of the virus.  The resulting lockdown was harsh on our young ones. Schools were cut short, parks shut and our children restricted in their required movement since then. We have had to keep them at home to be safe. Our resources were strained to keep them engaged and happy. We were successful yet also faced challenges when the children kept coming back to us constantly saying ‘I’m bored’.

At a loss of ideas, we may have succumbed to allowing them excessive screen time switching from the television to ipads to phones. We may have indulged in offering them extra sweet, extra cheesy comfort foods like fries and the all-time hit Maggi. We may have, at times, lost our tempers too, feeling overwhelmed with our own work pressures. As parents we may have been struggling with anxiety over our children’s futures and ridden with guilt at the perceived loss of control over the situation, leaving us frustrated by it all.

And just like the Sun peeks behind the dark clouds and forms a rainbow, as parents we need to allow the clouds looming in our hearts to pass and ride over the rainbow bridge embracing the little ones again.

How? With love and kindness. Yes. It is really that simple.

Here are simple ways to glide over the rainbow bridge and connect with our littles happily –

1. Our children are born with resilience. So they adapt faster and better than we do to situations. Their worries are mostly the ones that they absorb instinctively from our anxieties. With self–care we can manage our emotions better, thereby making only our smiles contagious and not our tears.

• Rhythm is the only way to regain the perceived lost control and feel a sense of purpose. Maintaining a healthy rhythm for our children such as fixed meal times, sleeping in early and waking up after adequate sleep, a structure to their day where one activity transitions into another seamlessly help children feel safe and reassured.  Rhythm helps to feel centered and brings back a sense of balance.

• Keeping away screen time as an option will ensure that our children explore many more things than just sit and be passively stimulated. Also refraining from watching and discussing the news updates in front of our children would be a good way to keep their fears and anxieties at bay and ours too.

• Involving them in household chores is a great way of helping them learn the values of gratitude and reverence. Simple age-centric tasks such as peeling the potatoes, getting you things from the cupboard, washing utensils etc. are some examples.

• Allowing for free unstructured play is a wonderful way for children to learn, make sense of their environment and heal if they are hurting. Even with schools shut, our children can continue to learn through free play. They learn language skills, conflict resolution, problem solving and most important of all imagination. Imagination is the key to help not only in academics but also give them the power to think of limitless possibilities, thereby enhancing creativity.

• Please know that boredom can be good. We do not have to rush to rescue our children from it every time. Let them get bored. Out of boredom, they shall begin to create, find inspiration and learn to engage themselves.

• We can gift them a sense of security, safety and wonder through nourishing stories. Children understand and imbibe more through stories than explanations and morals.

• Last, but not the least, we can decide a time to spend with our children every day. In this time, we can allow ourselves to be children again and play with them. We can play simple games that involve movements. This way our children get their fun time with us as they move. It could also prove to be a decent workout for us (something we may have been missing).

Parenting can be overwhelming especially in these times but it helps to know that we still have control over our lives and situations. We need not run from pillar to post looking for ways and ideas to keep our children engaged. Though formal learning and literacy is important, we can facilitate emotional, value based learning of life skills.  This is not just the need of the hour but also an essential skill set for the future and can be accomplished even in the confines of our homes through simple daily activities and by maintaining a healthy rhythm.

Our children are our living reflections. Therefore we have the power to choose to look at the sky and notice the golden glow instead of the dark clouds, the rains will bring love and hope instead of darkness and gloom and come closer and grow as a resilient family.